I’m 36 today.
I’m twice the age I was when I graduated high school.
The age itself doesn’t bother me so much; I’m not one to be dramatic about mere numbers. The second revelation, however, is a little startling and it makes me think: I’ve spent half my life as an “adult” who was on my own and trying to make my own way in the world.
And here I am, 18 years later, having ingested a “birthday feast” of Pizza Hut pizza (in part to please my two little boys, in part to satisfy that internal monster that thrives on salt and greasy food), and I just finished watching the DVR’d version of American Idol. Would my 18-year old self have imagined this life? I mean, I knew I’d be married and that I’d have kids, but I think every 18-year old imagines that adult life will somehow be more glamorous than it actually turns out to be.
I also had no idea that I’d someday be watching Steven Seagal make a fool out of himself on his own TV show, far removed from the days when he was svelte enough to play the good-looking leading man in the latest action flick. Hmmmm . . . irony of ironies: just as I was typing that, a promo for Seagal’s latest action movie (a straight-to-DVD feature) is coming out next week. Should I eat my words?
Nah. I can’t. I’m too full of Pizza Hut.
Seriously, though — has anyone seen that show? Does anyone think of a 1977-model of Elvis when they watch Steven? (Remember, I’m an Elvis fan, so I say that with the greatest respect . . . to Elvis, that is.) I don’t know who Seagal thinks he’s fooling, but I’m pretty sure every member of that Louisiana police force hates his guts for coming in and usurping all the seniority they have on him. While he was making millions in film, they were patrolling the streets. Now that his film career has slowed to a crawl, he decided to exploit his “reserve” status to try to make himself look like the head honcho who has all these great vibes about the criminals he drives by. I watch the show out of pure fascination. It’s interesting watching an attention whore be totally oblivious to the fact that he’s being a self-absorbed twit. The ultimate episode was when Seagal decided that all these officers (who had been working the streets as their real jobs, mind you) needed to develop that “second sense” that Seagal had gotten from being a big, bad martial arts dude. Those poor men were dragged into a training session with Seagal while he babbled about how he’s found his zen, thus being more in tune with the real world than the rest of those folks who had actually BEEN in the real world far longer than Seagal. Gosh, it’s great when Hollywood dorks create shows that merely reveal themselves to be the shallow fools they really are.
I apologize to my visitors, as this post had absolutely nothing to do with retro or vintage anything. Unless, of course, you consider Steven Seagal to be a vintage Hollywood star.
I did get a great pamphlet from Etsy the other day called “The Charming Woman”; it contains articles about how women in 1957 can keep up their appearances and, as the name implies, be charming. I’ll be sharing some of that with you this weekend when I can take a little breather from this chaotic week of school. Stay tuned!