Every now and then I’ll go to Amazon and just type random words into the search bar to see what’s there. One of my favorite words, of course, is “retro.” I’m always curious to see what retro products are available now. Sometimes it’s depressing, as in the case of one of my recent posts when I talked about the retro products that had to announce that they were retro by putting the word “Nostalgia” on them. Seriously. It’s like making a coffee cup and emblazoning “FOR COFFEE” on it. We get it. We know its style and purpose already.
So I went to Amazon and put in my favorite search terms and came up with some gems. First up — a retro condiment set:
It’s something so simple, yet they did it right this time. Three bottles — one for ketchup, mustard, and a clear one that you can do pretty much whatever with — are included with retro pictures. The only way they could have improved this product was if they had used a retro font and varied the pictures on each one. Still … these are cool. They are normally seven dollars from Amazon, but as of this writing, they are on sale for just under six.
Just in case you need a place to put your new retro condiment bottles, you could always get a condiment caddy to easily put everything on the table at once. (Sadly, your clear miscellaneous bottle will be left out, but I think it’ll recover from the disappointment.) Since I’ve obviously gotten stuck on a theme here, let’s explore the next item:
Condiment caddy with places for salt and pepper as well. I love the little details on this item that make it truly retro: the little ball decorations at the top and bottom of the frame pieces. As of this writing, this item was also on sale for fourteen dollars.
I was given this next item as a Christmas gift. Although it normally wouldn’t have been something I bought myself, I am here to say that these things have a purpose in life. (The same cannot be said for any of the Kardashians, but this phone rocks.)
This retro handset plugs into your cell phone. While you may look like a dork using it (I keep mine in my car), it provides a much more comfortable way to talk on the phone for an extended period of time. With modern phones, there’s no good way to grip the phone while talking. You either a) press it up against your face until your words sound like mhphmphmphphphrmphmmmph, or b) you grip the phone along the sides with your fingertips until you get spasmodic cramping, or c) you use the spearkerphone feature, which is just an awkward way to talk on the phone because of those wonderful times when two people are trying to talk at the same time and the phone can’t handle that kind of excitement, so you get those awkward pauses when no one is quite sure when to talk.
In short, this handset is an answer to most of your worldly problems. Plug it in, grip it like a man (or a woman), and feel confident that people are definitely laughing at you while they pass you on the interstate. Someone’s gotta liven up that interstate driving; it might as well be you. The best part is that as of this writing, this handset is majorly on sale! Eight bucks …. a huge discount off the normal price of around thirty-five dollars. These handsets come in a variety of colors. (Mine is pink.)
If you are a fan of vintage metal lawn chairs and you happen to see someone selling them at a decent price, let me give you a bit of advice: jump on those suckers like they are trying to smuggle your TV out your front door. I’ve learned this one the hard way; this is a trend that has started to come back into style and the “real deal” vintage models are incredibly popular. Just a couple weeks ago I saw some on one of those local “garage sale” groups on Facebook, and I made the fatal mistake of taking a few breaths before thinking about getting them. Poof! They were gone. Who knew lawn chairs could be such a hot commodity?
Just in case you don’t have the luck or the patience to try to find the real deal, the next best thing is definitely these chairs from Amazon. They qualify for Amazon Prime shipping as well! Judging by the “only x left in stock” warning, these are just as popular online as they are locally.
This last product isn’t from Amazon, it’s from Retro Planet. As I’ve made clear before, I am a sucker for retro fonts and images. Not the chintzy ones that seem to be put on a million metal signs and held up as authentic vintage decor, but for things that seem genuinely retro — not cartoonish reproductions.
Enter the rooster. On a towel.
Mr. Rooster here has that goofy 50’s vibe with great retro colors. I have a special weakness for that color green in the background. I have such a weakness for it, in fact, that I painted all my kitchen walls that exact color.
These are kind of spendy towels, about six bucks, but I imagine the average person would only have a handful of these to decorate their kitchen. It’s retro without being contrived, and in my book, that makes it perfect.
